Who is a Funeral Really For?

It’s important to have a funeral, and I’ve looked at funerals from both sides of the fence, as a funeral provider and as a funeral participant.

As a funeral director, you can get a bit hardened to death and dying and it’s not until you lose someone that the reality check sets in. My father and I were estranged for some 15 odd years (he was a rather strange Yorkshireman and fell out with everyone from time to time). However, we reconciled our differences and had a good few years towards the end of his life. Dad was 98 when he passed away, he was independent up until his 98^th birthday and fought like you wouldn’t believe to avoid assisted living.

We were lucky and find a great place, but dad told me he felt like a bird without feathers and pleaded to get out of jail.

If you’re going on the same journey with your loved ones, I empathise with you.

Two weeks later he said that he wanted to die. He was lucid and we had a long and emotional discussion until I conceded that he had made a rational decision. And true to form, dad refused to eat and passed away ten days later.

Dad didn’t want a formal funeral, just an unattended cremation and his ashes were to be scattered in a special place. I had time to say goodbye to dad and didn’t regret his decision at the time. My sister on the other hand, regrets not having had a formal funeral and in retrospect, to give her closure, a formal funeral would have been appropriate.

All in all, the purpose of this blog is to get people thinking about the pros and cons of conducted funerals.

I feel that dads’ wishes were respected but it’s important to ask who is the funeral for? Is it for the living or the dead?

It’s a combination of the both, people need to grieve, and lives need to be celebrated. Funeral ceremonies afford people those opportunities. In retrospect, if I could do things differently I would. So, it’s worth considering long and hard the value of a funeral to your family.

Regards,
Bob

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